🚂💥 ALL ABOARD THE SKAGSVILLE EXPRESS FOR THE INTERNATIONAL BASTARD TOUR

Written by Stu Armstrong
(AKA The literary equivalent of getting fingered behind Poundland)

WARNING: Contains crackheads, sex dwarfs, Class A drugs, and crimes against decency.

From the man who brought you the gloriously depraved cult hits Crackhead and Spice Up Your Life comes the third and filthiest instalment in the saga of Trevor and Chanelle — the Bonnie and Clyde of Benefits Britain.

They’ve pimped.
They’ve smoked crack.
They’ve run a crypto dogging empire.

Now? They’ve got passports.

Introducing ‘Skagsville Express – The International Bastard Tour‘

Trevor and Chanelle are on the run (again). This time it’s for flogging fake wooden legs to pensioners — legs that turn out to be repurposed woodworm-infested dildos from the 1970s. To escape jail (again), they hijack a luxury train — The Skagsville Express — and begin a truly deranged tour of Europe’s underbelly.

Expect:

🚂 Cocaine-fuelled chaos through the Channel Tunnel
🇫🇷 A Parisian orgy in a cheese museum
🇩🇪 A fetish festival in Hamburg that ends in arrest and an international incident
🇮🇹 Vatican-based porn involving two nuns and a barbershop quartet
🇳🇱 An Amsterdam incident involving clogs, a sex swing, and a surprise eel
🪦 Faked deaths, exploding coffins, and more illegal substances than a Glastonbury porta-loo

Along the way they form a circus, run a porn agency for Irish dwarfs, and accidentally start a sex cult in a B&Q car park.

Trevor is still a crackhead.
Chanelle is still a danger to society.
And the world is definitely not ready.

🎟️ SKAGSVILLE EXPRESS:

The most offensively hilarious novel of the decade.
If Eurovision was written by Hunter S. Thompson on a ten-day bender with Ricky Gervais, this would be it.

“I read it in one sitting and now I’m banned from Waterstones.” – @TitsMcGee94

“Makes Trainspotting look like Postman Pat.” – The Bastard Book Club

“If this doesn’t get made into a film starring Danny Dyer and a crack pipe, we riot.” – Some Bloke From Smackleton