OUT NOW FROM AUDIBLE AND APPLE iBOOKS NOW!
Following on from the hilarious smash hit release in Paperback and Kindle, Stu Armstrongs, ‘Crackhead’ is now a side splitingly funny Audiobook
WARNING ADULT CONTENT – Trevor Malloy is just your average dead-inside council admin from the crumbling northern town of Smackleton — single, depressed, and one Greggs sausage roll away from a breakdown.
Then one night, he smokes crack.
Now he’s hurtling face-first into the seedy underbelly of small-town Britain: from pimping his girlfriend out of a stolen ice cream van to launching a crypto-dogging empire called DoggChain. Along the way, he botches robberies, runs a cactus porn studio in a garden centre, sells fake funerals to real pensioners, and starts an OnlyFans agency for people with extremely niche fetishes.
He’s a crackhead. He’s a criminal. He’s also absolutely fucking useless.
A blisteringly filthy dark comedy full of swearing, sex, stupidity, and spice, CRACKHEAD is what happens when Trainspotting shags The Office behind a Wetherspoons bin. It’s bleak, brilliant, and outrageously funny.
Warning: Not for the easily offended. Or the moderately offended. Or really, anyone who thinks “that’s a bit much.”
Rumour has it CRACKHEAD might be heading to TV soon. So read it now before it gets banned, burned, or turned into a rubbish TV version starring a bloke who was an extra in Eastenders in 1987!
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“I laughed so hard I pissed myself. Twice.”
— Janice, Amazon Verified Reviewer & part-time bingo caller
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“Like Trainspotting, but with more Greggs, crack, and cum jokes. A masterpiece.”
— Dave in Hull, currently on bail
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“Offensive, obscene, morally bankrupt — 10/10.”
— Guardian Reader who won’t admit they loved it
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“I was reading this on the bus and laughed so hard I farted. No regrets.”
— Sharon B, NHS admin, bladder control issues
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“This book cured my depression. Or gave me a new, funnier one. Either way, thanks.”
— Colin, failed magician, full-time legend
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